Have you ever felt like nothing is working out for you? Are you stuck on what to do next in your life and don't even know how to go about it because you've worked so hard yet feel like you're nowhere? Have you felt kinda hopeless lately?
If any of these questions hit you in some type of way, then you've felt some kind of hopelessness. This feeling is cringy and can sit heavy on a person's shoulders. Maybe even feels like you have a huge gray cloud hanging out over your head.
Orrrr...perhaps you may not be feeling this way but you know someone who is.
Whether it's you or you're trying to figure out how to help support someone who is going 'through it', we need to define what hope is because it will help you understand why the lack of hope affects motivation and emotional wellbeing.
Ok, so what is Hope?
Hope is the trust that a favorable outcome is on its way based on a specific action that you're putting effort in. Essentially, hope is the feeling we get when we work hard and our hard work pays off.
In a way, it's a type of motivation. There's also a level of optimism and faith that goes into the practice of having hope. You need to have confidence that you will get the outcome you're seeking to have and you need to be positive that this outcome is achievable. The confidence in your outcome is your faith and the positivity along your process is optimism.
If you lack optimism, then you're likely to dismiss everything with a negative view and therefore have little faith in the favorable outcome. This means that there is little confidence (i.e. faith) on the desired outcome becoming real, which then manifests itself into having little to no hope about the situation that you're in.
Why is having Hope important?
Hope is important because it's tied to your drive to keep pushing through and through regardless of how hard the process is along the way. Hope also helps us cope with stress and challenging emotions.
It's almost like a vitamin to boost emotional health and happiness when we're working hard towards something that's important to us. When you look forward to something that is going to make you better or make you happy, you get excited. If you're excited, your energy levels spike, and you feel confident about yourself and what you're doing.
If you're feeling good about yourself, your headspace is in a fertile place to grow and keep you pumped along the way to bring it on!
Hope gives us the feeling that everything will be fine. When you have a sense of security that everything will turn out the way you anticipate, your sense of self-worth and confidence tends to elevate.
Self-worth and confidence are important because when we're sure of ourselves, we're willing to defeat tough moments that get in our way.
But... what causes hopelessness?
Hopelessness is not necessarily a feeling that people aspire to stumble across randomly in their lives. It's not like walking in a garden and finding a flower that smells of hopelessness and you're like..sniff sniff.."ahh, yes.... hopelessness... what a pleasant encounter".
Okay, maybe that was horrible imagery but the idea that I'm trying to get at is that there isn't a simple explanation for feeling hopeless. The reality is that there are so many factors that can add up to this outcome.
A common reason for feeling hopeless is when you've been busting your ass so much to get a specific outcome...and then you don't get it. What makes it worse is when you see others around you getting the outcome you've been working so hard for yourself but yet you don't even get a break-through. It can definitely be a bittersweet moment.
Related: 6 Ways to break self-doubt
Other factors that can influence the feeling of hopelessness can result from mental health concerns. These include but are not limited to stress, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a sense of feeling constantly defeated, grief... and the list can go on and on.
Now (DISCLAIMER), I am not a mental health professional, so if you or a loved one are experiencing any mental health challenges and the feeling of hopelessness is unbearable, it is best to consult with a health professional about what is happening. This is not medical advice and the best care one can do in this situation is to seek professional support.
Signs to look out for in hopelessness
The feeling of hopelessness makes you lose interest in things that would typically excite you. A sign to watch out for is the unwillingness to function productively in your day-to-day tasks or when working on specific goals you've set for yourself.
Another sign includes experiencing strong feelings of negativity, or pessimism, and the feeling that nothing is worth the effort because it's not going to change things. This is a self-limiting thought and it's not necessarily real (although you're convincing yourself that this is your reality).
Other important signs that can signal hopelessness:
Binge eating (some of us call it eating your feelings away)
Under-eating
Alcohol and drug usage (usually to numb yourself a bit)
Wanting to socially distance from others (but not because of covid)
Self-isolation
Lack of good sleep or sleeping too much
Wanting to give up current projects or goals
Forcing yourself to push through the day (every day)
Feeling helplessness or powerlessness
These signs should be considered a warning as they can eventually become a dark space that is difficult to get out of. The longer a person stays in a state of hopelessness, the worse it can become and it can develop into a more serious mental health condition. Typically, someone who experiences hopelessness would show at least 2 or more of the signs shared on a consistent basis.
It's important to note that this can happen to anyone regardless of background, lifestyle, or age. The key is to be aware of these kinds of signs and tackle them before it gets worse as it can have an impact of mental, emotional and physical health.
What to do when you feel hopeless?
Let's keep in mind that hopelessness could feel like the end of the world for some of us. There is little motivation that is worth pushing through for.
When you or someone you care about feels hopeless, the best action one can do is to acknowledge and accept how they feel in the moment. Learn WHY you're feeling the feelings.
I usually like to ask myself at least 3 to 5 times the "WHY" question almost as if I am a toddler traumatizing their parent with a day full of why's. Haha, not me, a momma of a toddler laughing nervously at this eye-twitching experience.
Ok, but seriously, digging deeper into why you're feeling the "feelings" is important because many times our first answer is not really the root of the problem. It is not the real trigger.
Let's see an example about being bummed out about missing out on a work promotion:
"I feel like I'll never be able to get this promotion"
Why? "Because Cindy takes all the glory despite everything I do"
Why? " Because she has a better relationship to the boss than I do"
Why? "Because I suck at networking and building relationships with my boss"
Why? "Because it feels awkward and I don't know what to say"
Why? "Because I'm not sure how to pitch for myself in social gatherings"
Digging deeper with your why's helps you identify your triggers so you can then work on them. This process will help you go through the motions of working through the root of the problem while taking your mind off the feeling of hopelessness and increasing your emotional awareness on potential areas you may need to work on.
9 other actions you can take to cope with hopelessness:
Purge negative emotions through crying (or punching bag...no judgement here)
Reaching out to your inner circle and talk about it for moral support
Distract yourself with a fun activity to shift your mindset into a positive mood
Relax your body and find calmness through meditation
Explore a plan B and C if plan A didn't work out
Seek mentorship or coaching to find a sense of direction
Write it through journaling
Hit the gym or dance it off to clear the mind and bring endorphins into the body
Seek professional help if you need it (this is not just for mental illnesses so maximize your resources)
How to help someone who feels hopeless
If you notice signs of hopelessness in a loved one, and they don’t seem to be getting over it, it's probably a good idea to check in on them. People who feel hopeless might find themselves in a dark space and they may not know how to get themselves out of it. Let alone, ask for help.
When helping someone who feels hopeless, it's good practice to start with the simple question of whether they're doing okay. Be prepared to get a cliche response and don't be afraid to be specific (but nurturing) when it happens.
Make sure that you listen to what they have to say and do not interrupt. This is not the time for you to criticize, give your opinion, or fix their problems. This is your time to let them know that you're present and you hear them.
Be there for moral and emotional support. Let them know that they're not alone. If you have a solution for walking through their challenges, don't be afraid to give it to them but walk them through the process step by step. Never assume that the walk-through process is easy for them.
If the issue is beyond your control and you think they may benefit from professional help, have that honest and humbling conversation with them. Eliminate judgment and offer empowerment. Professional help is not always welcomed by people who may benefit from it because they're afraid of being judged or labeled.
Be an ally and help them look into the internet for online therapy services if needed. Be willing to drive them down to see a therapist if they don't have someone else. And always remind them that they're doing the best that they can and they should be proud for making an effort to find hope again.
You are never alone in these moments.
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