How to Overcome Self-Disappointment

So you're not quite meeting your goals. What should you do now?

When we set specific goals or plans, we often judge ourselves harshly on how we execute those intentions.

And when we fail to meet our expectations of achieving what we set out to do, SPLAT, our self-confidence drops like a delicious ice cream scoop that fell off the cone you've been longing for all day on a hot summer day.

When we don't accomplish what we intended, we often feel guilty and think:

• We’re not good enough...

• We’re not disciplined enough...

• We’re not productive enough...

The list can continue endlessly. The longer it grows, the more it frustrates us...and the more we feel disappointed in ourselves. It becomes even more disheartening when someone else acknowledges our failures.

It’s so daunting to hope so many great things for yourself and starting out with such great energy to then realize that nothing happened just the way you expected it to.

Repeated failure. Every...single...time (mostly). However, beyond feeling frustrated with yourself... What steps are you taking to regain your footing? How are you managing feelings of self-disappointment?

I hope these techniques help you in overcoming uncomfortable emotions when you need to be your own cheerleader or mascot.

Tip #1 Establishing a Practical Process

Many of our failures occur because we didn’t establish a practical process for accomplishing our plans. Often, a process isn’t even considered, particularly when a goal appears "small".

Regardless of the journey's size, having a process to guide you to the finish line is always ideal. I enjoy developing step-by-step plans to evaluate my progress. Sometimes this process involves just one step, while at other times it might require ten.

Ensure that you set ample space to accommodate the 'process'. This involves considering and being aware of the timeline required to make 'it' happen.

Human nature inclines us toward greed. Many of us desire and anticipate immediate gratification and outcomes. Nonetheless, not all plans or objectives allow speeding the process.

Make sure to determine whether your particular plan or goal requires nurturing instead of being rushed. Recognizing that a plan needs additional attention and care will help you be more realistic about the journey, thereby decreasing the likelihood of disappointment and failure along the way.

Related: How to Build Self-Discipline to Achieve Your Goals

Tip #2 Enhance Self-Awareness by Recognizing the Clues

Self-awareness plays a crucial role in developing emotional intelligence, which involves being fully conscious of your emotions and managing how they influence everything around you.

It is also essential for understanding why you feel disappointed and why you may not be following through with your intentions.

Reflect on the plans you've made for yourself and consider why they haven't been realized. Experience the 'things'...feel everything. What are you experiencing?

Your emotions reflect the standards you've established for yourself. If you fail to meet your expectations, regardless of their realism, your body will respond with particular feelings.

Pay attention to your emotions and consider your personal expectations. Recognize each emotion. Generally, the more intense the emotion, the higher the standard tends to be.

Often, when we aren't achieving success, it's because our standards aren't realistic. We always have standards, and usually, we sense that they aren't truly attainable for the particular phase of life we're in. Yet, we remain hopeful.

And through wishful thinking, we do a wonderful job at ignoring the fact that we know our expectations are stretched yet convince ourselves otherwise.

When we don't succeed, we tend to see ourselves as failures rather than acknowledging that we took on more than we could manage.

So, developing a mindset that critically assesses which steps haven't worked, rather than dwelling on emotional triggers, is crucial for moving forward in the process.

Tip #3 Works Alongside Tip #2

We’re not failures; we simply need to adjust the process.

When you allow yourself to learn from emotional 'clues', it's crucial not to resist what you uncover along the journey. Embrace your emotions from the previous tip and let them align with you.

Foster Your Mindset and Soul

Allow yourself the chance not to resist the temptation to dismiss your feelings. By not resisting this urge, you reinforce the mistaken belief that you are the failure, rather than the process (which is false).

Rather than wishing away those feelings or burying them, allow yourself to experience them fully. What kind of energy do these feelings emit? Do they intensify the situation, or do they help calm things down?

Take some time to care for yourself when you're not feeling your best. If a friend approaches you feeling down because things didn't go as planned, would you comfort them or criticize them?

The truth is, you're more likely to show compassion and try to uplift your friend. So why not extend that same compassion to yourself?

You deserve compassion just like everyone else. Offer yourself some love and uplifting yet encouraging words. Remember to be your own motivator, as ultimately, your plans and goals are uniquely yours.

To truly support your needs and goals, it's essential to cultivate a mindset that nurtures your inner self. With this in mind, consider exploring our Sacred Stillness Kit. This thoughtfully designed digital resource serves as a gentle invitation to reconnect with yourself. It's specifically crafted for sensitive, overwhelmed women who seek a moment of respite—without the need to book a retreat, explain their feelings, or dedicate hours to self-help. Embrace this opportunity to find your calm and center amidst the chaos.

Transforming Your Self-Talk: Emphasizing Progress Over Perfection

Change the way you talk about your progress. Instead of saying “I’m bad at xyz,” which can make you feel like a failure, try saying “I’ve tried xyz and discovered that x works, y needs improvement, and z didn’t suit my needs.” Do you see the difference?

Rather than telling yourself that you had this plan and still have not been successful at bringing it

to fruition, you’re telling yourself that you have begun a process and this is the progress thus far.

The process and progress won't be flawless, and that's perfectly fine. What's crucial in this journey is acknowledging that you've taken several steps towards completing 'it.' Although it's not perfect and you haven't reached the final goal, your intentions are clear, and your progress is evident.

By acknowledging your progress, which includes everything between the starting point and the finish line, you are taking care of yourself, aiming for improvement, and most importantly, putting in effort.

Recognize achievements in the present moment, particularly if they are your own. Consider which completed steps you appreciate.

By identifying these steps, you gain self-awareness (tip #2) about the process you’re engaged in (tip #1), allowing you to work with curiosity and make adjustments along the way (tip #4).

Related: 4 Practical Exercises to Build Emotional Intelligence 

Tip #4: Adjust with Curiosity

Instead of holding onto a fixed mindset that dictates specific steps must be followed in a certain way, cultivate your curiosity. When you begin a new job, start at a new school, or enter a new relationship, do you really know how it will unfold?

Certainly not! It's impossible to predict what your future will look like in these situations (unless you possess a sixth sense and special abilities, which most of us do not).

Nonetheless, when encountering a new experience, you must still take the risk and discover how your journey unfolds.

If you dislike the direction it's heading, you might endure quietly or express your frustration until you reach a breaking point and begin to change course slowly... OR…

Decide, “uh-uh...this isn’t working for me” and change course.

With this in mind, trial and error is indeed a valuable tool to have at your disposal. Stay curious about the unknown possibilities and learn from your experiences to identify what works as you progress towards making 'it' happen.

If something doesn’t work, that's great! You’ve learned that continuing with that specific step isn’t viable for your journey. Give yourself credit because now there's one less obstacle to worry about.

Keep moving forward.

Related Post: How to Refocus When You're Not Achieving Goals

Tip #5: Disappointment Can Never Be Completely Avoided

Disappointment is inevitable. Let me emphasize this... If disappointment were a person, it would be relentless and stubborn.

During your planning, there will be moments when you lower your defenses and fall short of your expectations. This will inevitably result in frustration and disappointment once more.

This occurs because, as you take in the advice I'm offering, you'll unintentionally aim for perfection in being present or handling the process.

Yet again, perfection is unrealistic. However, trial and error do exist.

Remember to persist and differentiate between what succeeds and what fails when you feel your disappointment rising.

Align your mind and soul.

Take a moment to let curiosity to keep evolving in the present. Appreciate what you’ve learned and review your progress (consider what you’ve accomplished so far).

Experience all your emotions, but focus on being constructive after acknowledging them. Avoid lingering too long. Return to planning, discard what wasn’t effective, and move forward with a new step.

Invest in yourself, you’re worth it.

Related: Setting Goals For Success

Conclusion:

This blog provides 5 strategies for effectively dealing with self-disappointment when your plans or goals don't unfold as expected. While disappointment is unavoidable, establishing a practical process to track your progress enhances self-awareness regarding your current position in your journey. Additionally, it encourages curiosity, enabling you to adapt your path to suit your needs.