Do you sometimes catch yourself scrolling away through social media and see so many ordinary people posting about how easy it was to achieve their dreams…but you just can’t seem to make the cut?
Sure, some of these posts from ordinary people can be very inspiring as it serves you as a reminder that your dreams can be achieved too, BUT the sad truth is that many times it can leave you very demotivated.
The issue is that many people in social media don’t really post about the roller coaster ride that many of them embark when realizing their dreams (depending on their agenda or intention for that post).
Many motivational posts out there make it seem like the journey towards achieving your goals is as easy as 1,2,3 but that’s not always true. Depending on your goal and what you have going on in your life right now, it can be very easy to fall off the wagon.
When you find yourself at crossroads or with little progress, it’s not surprising to get easily distracted by external influences and lose sight of what’s important…the person who you want to see unfold or the lifestyle you want to achieve by a specific period of time.
So…How can you refocus your energy to set things back in motion for yourself?
To refocus yourself, it’s important to note that this is a process of eliminating distractions that often get in the way. Refocusing yourself when you’re not achieving your goals requires reflective action on your part.
There are 4 thought provoking “questions” that you need to think about in order to refocus yourself when you’re not achieving your goals. These include finding your attributes, identifying your true desire, learning things that do not align with your principles, and figuring out if you’re blinded by your goal.
When you reflect on yourself in relation to your goals, it gives you clarity on where you need to pivot to get back on track.
#1 Write down your best attributes that you bring to your relationship with your goal
When refocusing yourself in terms of your goals, think of this process as being in a relationship with your goals. The same way that you should have a relationship with current yourself, you’ll want to have a relationship with your future self.
Therefore, what positive attributes do you bring to the relationship with your future self in order to attain your goal? What do you bring to the table?
Being aware of your positive elements will help you gain clarity on what your strengths are along the way. Write down these attributes and look them over on days you need a little more motivation to get through the day. Sometimes we need to remind ourselves of what we have but not using to our advantage when our foresight gets blurred.
#2 Think about the foundation of your desire (what do you truly want out of your goal?)
Your foundation of desire refers to what you’re truly wanting out of your future self. There are many people out there who want to pursue goals but unfortunately are not going about them with the right intention.
An example of a shallow intention is telling yourself, “I want to do this because I want to get rich.” Ok great! There’s nothing wrong with being rich but WHY do you want to be rich?
Digging deeper into your why’s gives clarity on the true reasons behind the intentions for those goals. The deeper you go, the closer you’ll get towards your truth. Ask yourself “why” at least 3-5 times to really understand your true intentions behind any specific goal.
Many times, we pursue goals for the wrong reasons. Either our reasons are too narrow-minded or influenced by other people’s dreams and successes. When you see other people “living the life”, it’s very easy to get distracted by the “Ooh, I want it too!”. But what this distraction only does is to cause you to lose sight of your purpose.
Seeking the true foundation of your desire can also open your mind to new alternatives towards achieving what you truly want and sometimes you might just learn that the goal you’re setting for yourself is not serving your needs or higher self in the way that you initially thought.
When you connect to a deeper foundation, it allows you to realign yourself with a journey that’s authentic to you and your personal values. This realignment will allow you to stop emulating others and start taking the path that is only unique to you.
#3 Are you tending to things that do not align with your values?
Not being fully aware or clear on your personal values can keep you from achieving your goals, believe it or not. Core values are basically morals and principles that help give you direction in life. In other words, your values drive your actions in your day to day.
Goals are milestones or destinations that you’re trying to achieve in your life and require intention as well as planning. These are priorities that you’re setting for yourself to lead a wholesome life and make better decisions to get to where you want to be.
Because core values give you direction, values will also drive your actions. If you’re setting goals for yourself that are not in alignment with your personal or core beliefs, then chances are you will derail often in your journey. This is because the goals that you’re setting are clashing with the way your moral compass drives you through your journey.
Don't tend to things in your day to day that don’t really speak to you internally. This will result in not truly connecting with your goal and forcing a journey that might not be suited for you.
Think about things that you’re doing right now that don't necessarily align with what's important to you. Why are you deviating? Is your goal really yours or is it someone else’s but trying to make it your own? Does it really resonate with you in how you choose to live your life based on your core values?
If you’ve never taken the time to figure out what your core values are at this point in your life, then take this very moment as an opportunity to start searching within and begin to explore. Learning what makes you tick at the core can help you understand why you take action a certain way instead of rinsing and repeat what others around you are doing. This is especially helpful if you're doing a similar goal that someone else has achieved and trying to mimic what others have done but it's just not working out for you.
There are also times when your core values shift and you don't realize it because core values are not something we constantly think about every single day. Looking back into your core values can sometimes bring an “aha!” moment if you learn along the way that some of them no longer serve you and perhaps you need to redefine what those values are from this point on in your life with respect to your goal.
#4 Are you blinded by your goal?
It’s very easy to delay your progress on a goal if you’re trying to do too much all at once or being all over the place.
Do you have too much chaos happening right now?
When there is too much chaos mentally, it can blur your ability to put in the work because you’re not quite sure how to even get started in the first place. If you have quite a bit of chaos in your life right now where it's mentally draining you, is there a way you can cut down on some of it?
Being more intentional about the chaos you choose to tackle can help give more direction on what you need to do next and shift your energy towards tasks that you can actually focus on and complete.
Are you misguiding yourself?
You can misguide yourself when you get so fixed on specific standards or milestones you’ve set for yourself based on what you think success should mean for your goal.
While you should always define what success looks like for each individual goal you set, being rigid and not giving yourself permission to be flexible along the way hurts your ability to pivot when you need to refocus.
Don’t get me wrong, I also like having standards because it keeps you grounded and prevents you from selling yourself short on certain matters but sometimes going about them a little too hard will keep you from moving forward.
Flexibility in your journey can also be a beautiful thing if you allow it. Flexibility can be done in several ways. Some examples include:
Redefining what success means to you
Tweaking your plan of action/strategy
Dividing big milestones into smaller ones that are actually doable for you
Reassessing your time management (and stress management)
Getting mentorship to see if you're one the right path even when you don't feel it
Giving yourself a real break where you can actually recharge from burnout
Related: The Productive Way to Goal Setting
Is your goal even good for you anymore?
Sometimes goals no longer serve you based on certain life lessons you’ve had to endure. However, because you’ve had this goal for so long, you keep getting stuck on the pressure that you still need to do it while also piling on the feeling of failure for not getting it out of the way already.
Have you ever stopped to think that maybe this specific goal no longer suits you?
What does this goal really mean to you? Is it a finite pursuit of happiness and success or are there other ways to achieve your definition of success that are not necessarily tied to this goal?
Have you defined success, or did you adopt an idea that belonged to someone else’s journey and somehow are trying to force it into your life?
Sometimes refocusing yourself requires a humble moment where you give yourself permission to move on from a goal that no longer serves you.
Let’s be clear though.. a goal that no longer serves you doesn’t mean that you’ve lost all hope in yourself and are giving up. No, no. If this is a goal that you’re truly passionate about and really want to pursue, then it is still serving you and you need to push through.
A goal that no longer serves you is one that is potentially shallow, no longer important because your values have shifted, you’ve grown out of it, you realized it’s someone else’s dream but not yours, you’ve achieved “success” without it, etc.
Keep in mind that you might not have to get rid of your goal completely but rather tweak it so that it serves a meaningful purposes at this point in time in your life.
And Remember... Reflection is Key when Refocusing
Always reflect at any point you feel a little stuck along the way. Check in with yourself to identify any misalignments in your path and be flexible with yourself as you learn more about those distractions, even if the distraction is the goal itself.
Invest in yourself. You’re worth it.
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