Let’s start by stating a fact, connecting with others isn’t easy.
But it doesn’t have to be that... hard.
It may appear to be easy when spotting a few individuals around you who happen to meet and greet people effortlessly. However, not everyone is able to go from one person to another with endless energy. And that’s okay.
The world wouldn’t be interesting if there were many of the same individuals anyways.
What’s beautiful about the world we live in is that we have so much diversity in personalities and skills that we can actually use it to our advantage. Being different can be pretty cool. It’s just a matter of how you project your unique highlights onto others using a few tips and tricks.
#1 Embrace Humility
Allow yourself to be different and, most importantly, be YOU. Don’t limit yourself into thinking that the only way to build a connection with someone is to impress.
When putting yourself in a social setting, always stay true to yourself. Sure, making a good impression never hurts but it’s not the only thing that matters when meeting people or networking.
In fact, if you’re trying to impress but aren’t being your genuine self, people sense the “fakeness” and you may be selling yourself short without even realizing it.
Projecting “realness” or “fakeness” is a choice that you ultimately have full control over. So choose wisely.
Promote an ambiance in your interaction with others that honors conversation and open-mindedness. Instead of disagreeing with someone on an idea or point of view, train your mind to focus on friendly questions and practice sharing inviting comments.
Actively engage with people who have differences demographically and culturally to increase your alertness and awareness.
When you expose yourself to other people who were brought up differently than you, there will be many differences in customs and opinions. Your way of life is not the only kind that exists out there, so make sure to learn from those who are not like you.
Learning other people’s values, experiences, and thoughts will help you understand and get more curious about how others carry their lives. It might actually surprise you, you might adopt a thing or two from them.
Allow yourself to be curious.
Curiosity lets people around you know that you’re humbly trying to learn more about them and understand where they’re coming from rather than going out of your way to judge them.
It builds deeper trust. Allow yourself to share some vulnerability to those around you. It’s okay to have flaws. Everybody has them.
Don’t be afraid to share with others that you, too, are not perfect.
In fact, projecting perfection to others may cause intimidation, dislike and also give the impression that you’re not authentic (because everyone knows that no one is perfect).
Depending on your goals and what you’re trying to achieve with those around you, vulnerability is a huge tool at your disposal.
By showing your humility in that you’re prone to be vulnerable too, others will be more open to talk to you about their fears and what they’re currently going through, whether it is their personal plans, or even at a deeper level, they may let you in on important decisions that they’re struggling with.
This will allow you to increase your awareness on the person you’re engaging with and even possibly give them the opportunity to gain insight from you in a way that can change their life depending what they’re going through.
Humility, alertness, awareness, and vulnerability are all strong components in building long-lasting trust, whether that’s at work, home, or school.
But be careful. The idea of humility and vulnerability can be scary for many.
While I encourage you to practice on attaining these traits, don’t expect for others to give it back freely. Some individuals may have undergone hardships or rough experiences that may hinder them from opening up immediately.
Accept the challenge of becoming patient with those around you who take a little longer to open up. Don’t give up so easily. Put in the work if the outcome is worth it.
#2 Set the Example
Your feelings are contagious. Be conscious of how you project your feelings onto others because it has a tremendous effect on those who are listening to you and interacting with you.
If you’re rude or offensive towards others, you’re more likely to do more harm than good.
This is important to note because in our moments of “realness” or “telling it how it is”, we often forget how our words can impact the person receiving them. Projecting feelings, if not conscious of them, can risk breaking trust and the opportunity for others to confide you in moments when they need your support the most.
The worst part… the other person may not even share with you how you impacted the relationship in a negative way and simply take their energy or efforts elsewhere.
For me personally, one of the greatest challenges I’ve had to face is reserving strong opinions about others unless specifically asked. During my time coaching and mentoring, I’ve had to learn the value of patience in allowing others to “figure it out” and to "let it go".
This is also the case in personal settings. Sometimes, energy is better spent on choosing to move on and not getting stuck on a toxic moment.
If a person is not actively seeking for your opinion or feedback, be careful to overshare your feelings and thoughts. It’s very common to share our opinions when not asked for them because we’re invested in the conversation or we care deeply for the individual.
But reality is, you may not know if others are ready to commit to your opinions. If it’s a sensitive matter, do you know if they’re in the right mindset to hear you out? Or do you just need to listen?
Not every person needs a bandaid, or a fixer. Not every moment is for you to dwell in.
In fact, oversharing opinions can create distance between individuals because others may feel emotionally attacked and this impacts their trust to confide in you on important matters.
At times, opinions may create toxicity in a relationship if the other individual simply needs you to listen. Instead, share a light that others can follow.
Evaluate who you’re interacting with and why you’re spending time with them. This way, you can reflect on how you’re going about your engagement and ultimately decide if you can make personal adjustments to improve positive engagement.
If upon reflecting you realize that there are some negative behavioral characteristics about yourself that you could improve on, assess how you can propel your efforts towards a positive impact.
Watch out for negative characteristics that manifest in not actively listening, not being present in the moment, being stubborn or “set in your ways”, or projecting too much control over the situation.
Remember, setting your ways in demeanor is a personal choice. Every choice has its own consequence. Pick your choice, pick your consequence.
The expectations you set for yourself on the type of impact that you wish to instill will strongly affect your ability to connect with others at a deeper level.
When working on making deeper connections, you must first transform the way you think of yourself. People see what you project onto them, so self-reflection is crucial.
Invest in yourself before you invest in others. Come on, you’re totally worth it.
#3 Practice Objective Sensitivity and Insightfulness
Dare to learn how to distinguish between observation and evaluation when making conclusions about others. We’re quick to judge and conclude whether we “like” or “dislike” a person without necessarily giving ourselves the opportunity to truly understand them.
We fail to give others the benefit of a doubt and limiting growth in a relationship yet expect for others to give us a chance at being ourselves. Pretty selfish, isn’t it?
Making better connections means building meaningful relationships. Relationships, regardless of type (whether professional or personal) are challenging and you will have to deal with the fact that some moments are bitter rather than sweet.
Identifying the value of the relationship of the person you’re engaging with is key in understanding how much energy and effort you should be spending when reacting to certain behaviors.
When handling difficult and sensitive situations, grumble and criticize less. Repurpose your energy by adopting a positive attitude that lets you reach for insight and actually learn what’s happening.
Again, allow yourself to be curious and open-minded. Humble yourself by asking questions without judgement to better understand the situation at hand.
Make sure to limit your questions that result in yes or no dead-ends. Reach for the big Why’s and the How’s multiple times so you can really get in the mix. This will help you make a better connection with those around you.
The outcome to look for, in essence, is accepting accountability for your ability to connect with others.
The more objective your outlook, the more accepting you can become in taking responsibility for the conversations you lead without having negative feelings on yourself, the person you’re engaging with or the situation.
#4 Listen More and React Less
When we “listen”, we tend to prepare ourselves for the response we’re going to give rather than actually paying attention to the context being given to us at that very moment. This reactive behavior is a bad habit and can be toxic towards others.
We’re not that great at listening even though we’d like to think so. When we don’t pay enough attention to context, it can lead towards premature conclusions, lack of engagement, disrespect and broken trust.
Those around you want to be heard and, most importantly, understood. Preparing for a reactive response gives away the impression that those you’re engaging with are not worth your patience, time, and energy.
To listen more and react less, be mindful of interrupting others in the middle of a thought.
Instead of finishing other’s thoughts even when you think you already know what it is, allow them the opportunity to exert themselves fully. This is extremely hard to do...especially if it is a topic or experience you think you already know the outcome for...but do it anyways.
Give others your uninterrupted time and focus.
Save your questions or thoughts for later. Absorb everything that is shared with you and then reflect on what you understood to ensure that you’re on the same page. This means putting the context in your own words, if need be.
When in doubt, seek for clarification with the goal on leveling with the other person, without squeezing your judgements in the matter. Be curious but only after you’ve done your best at absorbing the information.
Probe into the matter to clear up misunderstandings. This will make others around you feel heard and respected because you’re showing them that you’re investing time in getting on the same page as them.
#5 Be Transparent
When you are not able to understand a conversation or a situation, did you truly try to make sense of what it’s in front of you?
Understanding another viewpoint can be very challenging, especially for those of us who have very peculiar mindsets. Sometimes we say we don’t “get it” but it is, in fact, our crutch word at giving up on the person on the other side of the conversation.
Make sure that you have done your best at trying to understand the matter before giving up. Only you know when you’re giving up and when you’re truly trying but just aren’t getting anywhere. Be truthful to yourself.
Be clear with yourself and others around you. If you truly do not understand what is happening, say it humbly.
Some viewpoints may not be relatable if you have not lived a similar experience, and that is okay. However, just because you have not lived it does not mean another person’s experience should not validated.
Give validation where it is due even if you cannot relate while still allowing yourself the opportunity to learn in order to build a more intimate connection.
And remember.... don't be too hard on yourself. These tips take practice and may not be as natural the first few times you try it out. Still, don't forget to keep trying!
Conclusion
This post offers pointers on how to socially connect with others on a deeper level. To build a long-lasting relationship, you must build trust. This can be done by becoming more open-minded and curious to different types of people and experiences. Repurpose your energy by adopting a positive attitude that lets you reach for insight and actually learn through listening with intent. Above all, allow yourself to be your authentic self and be honest when you’re being challenged versus simply giving up on a situation.
Comments