4 Reasons Why You Should Keep Goals to yourself

Hi Beautiful,

Let’s chat about goals, sexy beast. You got ‘em?

I know I do! In fact, ever since I can remember, I’ve always had them. Goals are what keeps me going to continue building the best version of myself. Goals come in different sizes too.

I have short term goals and then there’s the long term ones that sometimes become derailed when life happens (or rather like some of us like to say… when sh*t hits the fan).

Some goals in my life have included finishing school, moving up the ladder at work, becoming a better mentor, being a better wife and friend...being a good mom.

Goals are important and very special to me because they keep me on my toes at all times. But I have to be honest about my not-so-good job at keeping some goals to myself.

What’s the issue with that though?

Sharing goals is a confidence booster in moments of conversation. While talking to others about your future accomplishments, it gives you that thrill of what your future will look like.

That thrill feels nice, doesn’t it?

But there’s a catch to feeling that thrill. Oversharing your goals with everyone means that each time you get a thrill of achieving that goal, you’re actually instilling a sense of false accomplishment towards that goal. Derek Sivers, an American writer, musician, programmer and entrepreneur, shared this concept back in 2010 in a TED Talk.

Putting yourself in the position where you are experiencing the satisfaction of achieving a specific goal when sharing it with others can actually steer you away from achieving that goal.

Flaunting your goals like you have already accomplished them may actually make you less likely to work hard and steady for it. Why go for something if you already got that ‘feel good’ feeling by just the idea of already getting it?

For this reason, I challenge you to not talk about your goals unless you are working with a mentor or a coach to actually do it. Aside from the superficial gratification, there are some toxic influences that limit your aspirations.

Let me share 4 other reasons why you truly should consider keeping your goals to yourself.

If you share your goals with others, it’s likely that you will have to endure external opinions. Sure, some opinions may be supportive and encouraging. But reality is, many of those external opinions may also result in criticism or discouragement.

Sometimes those around you think that they’re helping when sharing their two cents about where you want to be in life, without realizing that it’s not THEIR life. It’s natural human behavior to butt in and give opinions without truly reflecting how one’s opinions will impact the person receiving them. This is because some people around us are not aware of the concept of emotional intelligence.

When you are at the very beginning stages of a goal, it’s usually just a ‘dream’. I call it a dream because it’s not accomplished yet. In that initial stage of recognizing your dream and what you want, you have the opportunity to mold it and define it in a way that best meets your needs and your core values.

It’s important to remember that your core values may not be the same as the person that you’re spilling your ‘goodies’ to. Therefore, they will not be able to relate to the same level that you can relate to that dream or goal.

What ends up happening is that your dream actually gets questioned and critiqued because it’s not understood. If you’re at the stage where you are figuring out how to plan for that dream and you don’t understand all of the details just yet, then don’t allow the opportunity for someone else to figure it out for you.

Be selective with who you share your goals with. Your goal is your dream and your dream belongs to YOU. So let that dream unravel at the speed and manner that works for you, not those around you. See what happens.

If your goals are huge or seem impossible to achieve, this is not an excuse to defer yourself from going after them. You are the owner of those goals. You are the one who can control your mindset and the “what if’s” towards shifting that goal into a reality.

When sharing your ideas or your plan towards a goal, be careful with the type of person whom you’re sharing that information with. There are some people who simply are okay with settling in life, settling in their dreams. To them, dreams are unrealizable and the idea of even trying does not exist for them.

Do you really want to put that kind of influence towards your plans? Instead, entertain the idea of breaking away from negative mindsets and what everybody else is doing. Why follow the steps of everyone else?

Remember that it’s also human nature to resist change. If you choose to go about your life differently from others, you will be judged and criticized.

You will also have people close to you who may try to convince you to do what everyone else is doing...because...it is life and that is “just how it is”.

If you REALLY want it, put all of that energy and focus into getting what you want. Let that be your strength and trust that it is part of the process. It is your vision...your mission...your journey. Own it.

When you show others your interest in not following the same footsteps as everyone else, you will be told that your dreams are unrealistic because you’ve never done that ‘thing’ before or you must do some major shifts in your life.

It’s easier to say and believe that you can’t do something rather than toughing it out and going for it. People are predictable and expect others to be the same way. For this reason, you will be told that your goals are unrealistic and that you can’t do it.

Don’t let their own personal reflection of what they can or cannot do taint yours. Again, don’t let the way others’ insecurities affect your ability to pursue your goals. Insecurities can be contagious so drink your “I’m a bad bitch who gets what I want” vitamins and RESIST because you are stronger than that.

Don’t tell them. Show ‘em. If you cultivate your goals into reality, you can enjoy real gratification of accomplishing what you really wanted instead of that 5 minute ‘feel good’ moment that I talked about in the beginning.

You will also set the example to others that, yes, you can really do what you set your mind to and no one can take that away from you. This is especially important to some of us who come from disadvantaged backgrounds.

No one can talk you down if you show them the results. Match your grit and ambition with your actions. Offer the settlers and the insecure ones a new belief through your efforts. And, you never know… you might just turn someone around from old habits.

Now, let’s be real. It’s not going to be easy. Heavy lifting is tiring and time consuming. But I promise that the results will not disappoint once you begin to see progress. Always remember your ‘ground zero’, that is, where you started. And bring that ground zero to where you are when you reflect. Stay grounded and patient.

To maintain the heavy lifting you have to acknowledge what you have achieved thus far and not get ahead of yourself. Trust the process by speaking boldly of how much you have accomplished to reach that main goal so that you can keep going.

Be bold about your efforts because it is an investment. Invest in yourself, you’re worth it.

This blog encourages you to keep your goals to yourself. It’s easier to talk about your goals than to actually put in the work to accomplish them. Talking about your goals can result in a false sense of accomplishment followed by nothingness because you will most likely not go after them after spilling your ‘goodies’. Your goals are also your dreams. When speaking to others about your dreams, you run the risk of not being understood, which can cause discouragement since others may not relate to them. In addition, you will experience push back from people who settle and some may even be bold enough to tell you that you can’t do it. Instead of sharing your dreams and goals, let your ambition match your actions so that others see your results and no one can talk down to you.