4 Practical Exercises to Build Emotional Intelligence

Hi beautiful!

Have you been a victim of emotional vomiting?

Emotional purging symptoms may include getting mad at the world, pointing the blame at others, rambling nonsense, inflicting hurtful words onto others, being rude to those around you, and even explicitly showing off “zero fucks given” mannerisms to the world. The symptom list goes on and on depending on your personality.

For me specifically, my episodes were triggered from internalizing my feelings for long periods of time without proper healthy outlets. Instead of working through my emotions (i.e. identifying what they were, why they were there and how to move past them), it was easiest to suppress them.

But what happens when you do not have a healthy outlet for bottled emotions, there comes a point with your zen pot located within yourself just tips over because it becomes too heavy and full.

The zen pot is what I refer to as your emotional storage. Suppressed feelings doesn’t mean that they’re gone. It just means that you stored them away. If you sweep dirt under a rug, does that mean the dirt is gone?

No, the dirt is still there regardless if others can see it or not. The same concept applies to your emotions and the zen pot analogy.

When the zen pot tips over, your emotions spill, causing you to lose control of the feelings that were once stored in that pot. Think of when spilling a glass of milk out of nowhere, can you control where the milk goes after it spilled?

It’s likely that the milk will splash in all different angles, especially if you didn’t see it coming. Similarly, your spilled emotions may go in all sorts of directions when you least expect it.

To prevent your zen pot from tipping over, it’s important to be selective on what goes in the pot and for how long. It’s also essential to keep the pot volume low.

Building up your emotional intelligence is key to maintaining the zen pot in its optimal condition. It’s your ability to be self-aware of your own emotions and manage it in constructive ways. It allows you to be conscious of your thoughts, feelings and your role in whatever situation you’re in.

The more you are aware of your emotions, the more control you have at regulating your positive emotional state and communicating your feelings to others.

Emotional intelligence also plays a key role in how you interact with others. For example, it creates the opportunity to detect the emotions of others around you, which also allows you to gain control on how you can influence other people’s moods and behaviors.

At a deeper level, emotional intelligence heightens the degree to which you may be able to feel what others are feeling. In other words, it helps you build empathy towards others.

Here are 4 practical exercises to enhance your emotional intelligence and keep your inner zen pot from tipping over.

Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most emotionally aware of them all?

That could be you! If you dedicate time to reflect on your own emotions. Reflection is crucial because how else can you identify a feeling?

Are you happy?... sad? ....mad? ...confused?

Sometimes we project feelings onto others and it may cause us to feel misunderstood because we may have expressed those feelings in a way that may not have been clear to them.

What about moments where you’re personally unclear of your own feelings? How clear can the expression be if the feeling itself has not been identified?

Would it be fair to blame someone else for misunderstanding you if you don’t understand your own emotions either? The answer is probably no.

But do we feel the need to blame in the moment? Probably a hell yeah.

To reflect on your feelings, try asking yourself:

• What are all of my feelings right now? (Do your best to describe them even if it is “blah”)

• What’s happening right now (or has been happening) to make me have all of these feelings?

• How are these feelings affecting me? (Think of how you are reacting to certain conversations or how you’re behaving in certain scenarios. Does your demeanor change? Do you engage versus disengage?)

• Do I want to continue letting these feelings affect the way I’m behaving? (With this question, you should be asking yourself if this behavior or feeling is something you need or want to let go. Why or why not?)

• What support system do I need to succeed in pursuing my decision? (Do you need a friend to help in the process? Do you need a moment to yourself?)

• What are 3 steps I will do to work through my feelings? (Remember working through your feelings does not mean working around them)

#2 Seek another point of view about your emotions that is not your own

Learn about your emotions through outside lenses. This allows you to rationalize how you’re projecting your feelings to someone who is trying to listen and understand where you’re coming from.

This is your opportunity to share an emotional experience with someone else. Choose a small experience that comes to mind and share what that experience does to you.

Be careful in choosing your experience though. It’s best to share a moment that will not cause a trigger or upset the person dedicating time to hear you out. In addition, you want to focus on the emotional component rather than oversharing unnecessary details since the whole point of this exercise is to understand your feelings, not relive the moment.

Also, be careful who you choose as your listener. Your listener must be someone who will be present and intentionally focused on your emotions. Their role is not to provide a solution but rather reflect the emotion they saw.

For example, your listener should be focusing on your facial expressions, your body language and be observant on the emotions you are sharing are affecting you at that very moment.

Sometimes we show emotions in ways that we don’t notice ourselves. We share emotions at the back of our throats when we feel that knot forming up or through piercing yet watery eyes. Allow your listener to be your mirror.

Similar to your listener in exercise 2, you also can benefit from observing your own emotions. Learn about your emotions through your own lenses but while staring at yourself in a mirror.

This exercise allows you to see for yourself how you’re projecting your feelings through body language. If a mirror feels weird, try video recording yourself on your phone, computer or tablet.

The idea is to watch what you do with your body as you express yourself. Does your body show you additional expressions of the emotion you are observing?

Explore and learn the “why” behind someone else’s perspective on your emotions versus your own. This not only helps you understand how you’re expressing yourself to others but

also notice additional details that you may not have otherwise realized about how your emotions are impacting you.

When receiving feedback, don’t take offense when feeling criticized. Instead, ask yourself what you can learn about the feedback. Don’t disregard the criticism but rather use it in a constructive way that enhances your emotional intelligence.

In conversations, pause before you speak and take a moment to think about what you are about to express. Taking a pause will allow you to be more conscious of your word choices and how you share emotions with others. This practice ensures that you maintain a mental check that your emotional validation matches your expression so that you can gain control of your communication while in the moment.

Now, going back to the zen pot analogy. These exercises are not going to automatically keep you from tipping the pot. It will take several tries and that is OKAY.

The idea with the 4 exercises that I have shared is for you to be more conscious on not tipping the zen pot. Forgive yourself if and when it tips over but don’t forget to work at maintaining the pot in its optimal condition.

Building emotional intelligence is a process. Trust the process and continue to work on it. Don’t rush yourself. Take the time to invest in yourself. You’re worth it.

This blog shares 4 practical exercises to help build your emotional intelligence so that you can gain control on regulating your positive emotional state and communicating your feelings to others. Exercises include: how to reflect on your feelings, seeking others’ points of views, observing your own emotions and bridging the gap between others’ perspectives and your own.